I often feel under the limelight in my neighborhood. Under scrutiny with the bored eyes of small town restless and bored residents. I wonder what they have to say, who they think I am. Clearly I do not fit in here in "heaven" with all the people in their perfect little lives with their perfect little wives, next to fat apples and their many pies. I long to be ignored, to be invisible, to be just one of the many that move in waves moving to the unearthly rhythm in a hurry or not to be somewhere anywhere or not to flow with and against the tide. The city the call of the city is loud in my ears. Interesting how in a crowd or a sea of people you become aware of how unimportant and tiny you are and deep in the vast mountains you become aware of exactly the same feeling. The difference is that in a crowd of people, a real crowd where people are everywhere--as far as the eye can see, you feel the surge and recognize how you are insignificant but the crowd is not. It has it's own rhythm, people snaking in and out, some people fighting upstream like desperate fish. Sometimes, it turns on the inhabitants of the crowd to flow in an avalanche against the rhythm. In all this the sheer number of people, the hum of noise of the crowd the individual becomes lost just another thought melding with all the other thoughts. The molecule with other molecules in being. Just being. Perhaps it's about not thinking or listening to the thoughts around you but to be lost in the overwhelm of a million thoughts, a million emotions at some point your being can no longer track the overwhelm of people and their thought-emos and the quiet of the crowd sets in and then you can just surf on being without thinking and simply navigate.